In praise of Daria

So many people have been kind and loving and generous and attentive during Ronin's introduction to the world.

But I must give special thanks to Daria, my friend, who has been an incredible source of support and relief as I've transitioned into motherhood.

She set up a web site to organize our friends to cook meals for us immediately after the baby was born. She came over the day after he came home from the hospital and brought food and folded laundry and held him and she was so strong and capable. She's got 2 grown kids of her own, although she's quite young, so she's got the wisdom of a grandmother and the connection of a dear friend. It's perfect.

When Ronin was really little and having trouble gaining weight, and I was in major pain from shingles, she stayed several nights with him, doing all of his feedings, so Vasu and I could sleep. Daria gave Ronin his very first bottle (back when he would take one). She advised me to squirt breast milk in his eye to clear up an eye infection, and it worked almost instantly. 

She's come over many, many, many times and had Ronin to her house numerous times. She hangs out at our house one night almost every week so Vasu and I can go on "date night." She's the person who helped us transition Ronin to his crib, back when no one was getting more than 1.5 hours of sleep, and all was chaos, and I was loathe to kick him out of the bed.

She's certainly one of Ronin's other mothers. I hope he has many mothers and fathers in this life, people to watch over him and guide him on his way. Ronin is very fortunate to have Daria's love and support, as am I.

What would we have done without Daria? What would we do without Daria? How can we ever repay Daria? I wish everyone in the world had a Daria. 

Six month shout out

Everyone said the first three months of parenthood were hard, but I found the first six months to be quite butt-kicking.

Now I'm finally starting to enjoy it. Three cheers for having a six month old. He's cute, he's doing new things all the time, he sleeps for longer stretches, his daily schedule is way more predictable, he doesn't even poo that often anymore. He's fun to dress up, and kiss, and hug and squish. He laughs and it melts your heart. 

And I feel like I'm beginning to know what I'm doing! I'm not so alarmed by his every move anymore. At first, I felt such anxiety. It was hard to take a full, deep breath. But I'm getting more relaxed, which makes it better for all of us.

He's learning, and I'm learning, and the combination is getting to be pretty fun.

Here he is with his grandfather, Vasu's dad. Can't resist posting a naked baby picture. I'm loving all of the changes but Vasu wants to freeze Ronin in time now. He won't be a baby much longer at all!

On the move

Well, ain't this a cup of beans. Ronin hasn't shown much interest in sitting up, but this morning, as God is my witness (and who else would be, it's way too early) Ronin did his first crawling.

For about a month, he's been moving around on the floor. After mastering the pushup, he started scooting backwards, because his hands and arms were so much stronger than his legs. Then he learned that he could cover a lot more ground by rolling over laterally, so if he wants to get somewhere fast, he barrels across the room that way. Now, today, for the first time, I've seen him scoot forward, crawling after something, following it as it rolled away from him.

The "something" in question is his saline nasal spray can. He loves it. It's one of the objects that most fascinates him. Maybe because it always gets away. It's too smooth and round to really put in his mouth, and although he can grasp it, as soon as he lets it go it falls and rolls out of reach. So desirable. 

So he's started crawling after it. You just never know what's going to motivate someone in life. But how to motivate him to sit? I had these visions of Ronin's sitting quietly, playing with toys and cooing. Maybe he'd even be loud, bashing at things, but he'd be sitting there, in one place. Yet another motherhood delusion shattered. He's rolling and scooting and can't be bothered to sit. Watch out, cats! 

Perhaps that's why I've posted this picture. In this shot, Ronin is immobile, and our cat Bagheera is bigger than he is. Within just a few short weeks, things have changed so much. The cats better rest up and enjoy having their tails to themselves for just a little while longer. Little drooly wet crawly hands will soon be grabbing for fistfuls of fur. 

First food

Here it is, the main attraction, the reason for our trip to New York.

Ronin's first food ceremony!

It was a beautiful affair, with lots of friends and family and very tasty food. The thing I love about these ceremonies is their ancient and yet casual approach. This particular ceremony was about 30 minutes long, in Sanskrit, and halfway through, Ronin began to cry from hunger. 

Family members and the priest encouraged us to just go upstairs and nurse and come back when he was all set. It was great! We got up and left and the priest kept going and we came back 10 minutes later and sat back down and no one batted an eye. It is pretty cool when the star of the ceremony can leave for a little pick-me-up and return and everything's just gone on smooth as pie in his absence.

For what it's worth, though, Ronin's not really into eating solid food yet. Blech. I kind of wish he were, as I've expressed before. Nursing has not turned out to be my favorite thing. These shingles still hurt, dangit. But anyway. He won't nurse forever. Within the next six months, he'll be close to 100% onto solids. So no need to rush things along. He won't be a baby much longer, really. Toddlerhood's not too far off, and then he'll be a child, and then a tween (are boys tweens?) and off to college before we know it...

Nervous breakdown

I include this picture because I think the look on my face says it all.

Ronin barely slept in New York. In fact, he only slept through the night for one glorious week, back when we started putting him in his own room. Then he began waking again, and in New York, he woke every hour or two, and wanted to be soothed for a LONG TIME before going back to sleep.

I thought I might die.

But things are better now.

First boat ride

Ronin enjoyed his boat ride. We took the ferry from Staten Island to Manhattan and hung out for a half hour or so, shopping at a yummy farmer's market in the ferry station. Apples were in season, so we got cider and Honeycrisps and watched the sun begin to set over the water. 

All was well until the very end of the ride back to Staten Island. Ronin was having a jolly time and then the ferry's horn blew, these loud blaring honks. And his little face just crumpled, and he looked so scared and confused, and he let out this long "WAAAAH!" and it took a few minutes to calm him down. Poor little guy. 

He's a pretty laid-back character, and he usually just takes everything in, so it was pretty funny to see him reach his limit with the loud ferry honk. You just never know with babies.

First train ride

In mid-October, we went to New York for 4 days with the grandparents. The whole trip was planned around Ronin's first food ceremony. During his sixth month, he takes his first solid food, which is blessed during a gorgeous ceremony. Vasu's parents have hosted several beautiful ceremonies for us and they're always really special.

Here we are, the Friday before the ceremony, taking Ronin's first-ever train ride. He's hanging out on his grandfather, and we're boarding the train in Staten Island to take the ferry across to Manhattan. This is especially significant because Vasu loves trains so much.

Ronin's grandfather took off a 3-day weekend to spend with him, and it was great to see them together. They do simple things, just hanging out -- play drums, play with toys, sing, create beats together. I wish we lived closer to all of our family so that he could spend time with his folks more often.

Ronin loved the train, and we kept saying how nice it would be to live in New York, where we'd rarely have to trouble with a car seat...

First plane ride

We did it! We took a plane to NYC and back and it all went quite smoothly. Ronin only screamed once during both flights, and that was during the first landing. Shoot. I bet his ears hurt. 

But he was really cute and sweet and mostly nursed and slept. Here he is, playing with his monkey that his cousin Katherine gave him. He loves that monkey. It is a staple in the car seat.

Since Ronin still fully detests his car seat (he's better around town, but you get into trouble after 10-20 minutes) we've decided that plane travel is the way to go. He sleeps! No car seat! We get to drink Cokes! Well, for short trips anyway. Ones with no ground holds for hours on the Tarmac. 

So long

It's strange writing anything that's published because you never know who's reading it...or if anyone's reading it...and often the people you write it for aren't reading it but then other people, people you don't even know maybe, might read it quite regularly...

I guess that's true of anything you put out into the world. You never know who comes into contact with it. 

But I've taken almost a month off from updating this blog. Shame on me. Perhaps someone is reading it! So many wonderful and exciting and annoying and boring things have happened in the past month. I've been too tired to sit down and post updates. When Ronin's awake, we play, because if we don't, he barks. Also, he's adorable, and alluring, and I always end up glued to his side no matter what else I'm trying to do.

And when he sleeps, I read. Or sleep. Or put my feet up and stare at the wall. Or cook, or clean, or shower, or get dressed. I may even briefly reflect on the fact that there is a world outside my little baby land. Then he wakes up again, and off we go, looking into baskets, and examining the fringe on blankets, and taking long autumn walks, and blogging is no more.

But the guilt is killing me. Ronin went to New York for his first food ceremony, for the love of Pete. He spent lovely quality time with his New York grandparents and all sorts of friends and family. He rode on a plane, a train, and a boat. There are cute pictures that must be posted!

He also didn't sleep a WINK the whole time we were in New York and I almost had a nervous breakdown.

But now he's sleeping more predictably. Asleep by 7, up 2 times to nurse, awake between 6 and 7. I keep reminding myself to think of all of the other nursing mothers and babies all across the world doing the very same thing we're doing when I'm up with him at night. There's a whole world of us out there, dozing and nursing our babies.

Nursing mothers, including my friend Natalie, who had her babe 2 weeks ago! And my sister, who will have her boy very soon. 

Oh, and happy recent birthday to my stepfather Ted and to my brother in law, Trey. Happy fall to you all, whoever you are. Now it's time to post some pictures of Ronin's month of adventures. He's taken a toothless bite of the big apple, after all. 

Changing sizes

Today marked a big day for little R and me.

I shipped off two boxes full of baby clothes Ronin has outgrown to my sister and dear friend Natalie, both of whom are expecting boys in the very near future. (Natalie, is your little one here yet? Any minute, any minute!)

And I slipped into my first pair of pre-pregnancy jeans, to my utter shock and amazement. 

Well, 'slipped' is a bit of an exaggeration. Let's just say, I was able to put on and comfortably wear a pair of my pre-mama jeans, which I never would have believed even a month ago.

Ronin's getting bigger, and I'm returning to normal size.

It's exciting to watch him grow. I admit I've been floored by the responsibility of having someone be so utterly dependent upon me. Especially with breastfeeding. I thought, for some reason, that the baby would quit drawing his life from me when he was delivered from my body. But no! Why did I think that? Breastfeeding is all about the baby's drawing everything he needs from me. Like an adorable little vampire. 

I am so glad to be breastfeeding. I'd totally encourage anyone to do it. It's so rewarding on so many levels and so good for kids. But MAN it's a commitment, especially when your baby won't take a relief bottle, like Ronin. He wants mama or bust. Pardon the pun. So I've been looking forward to introduction of solid foods for some time. I keep saying, I'm ready for Ronin to sit down and eat a big steak...

But that's not the point of this post. As my mom pointed out to me in the very early days, every pound he gains is a pound I'm losing. And I had so, so, so many pounds to lose. Still have 15 to go, all of which is in belly, boobs, and arms. But my lower half has returned to normal! I can rock my old jeans with huge giant sweaters and pretend to everyone that I'm right back to my old self. It feels so good to be lightening my load. 

It will surely be something to see Ronin hit his next phase - sitting up and eating solid foods. Will I feel some relief, then, since he'll be moving away from my milk and my arms and out into the world on his own? Or will worry transmute and transform, since all sorts of accidents and troubles await out there, beyond the safety of my arms? Ah, parenthood! You are a nonstop state of readiness and alertness and surrender. 

I never knew how relaxed I was before, and sadly, I was not relaxed before. 

Grandma's visit

Ronin's grandmother, Vasu's mom, visited us this past week. Here's a shot of her enjoying a moment with her lively little grandson. While she was here, we did all sorts of fun little activities. She cooked amazing food every day, and we made small excursions to local markets, restaurants, and little shops, enjoying the mellow vibe of cozy Chapel Hill/Carrboro. 

She's back home in Chicago now and heading for her annual trip to India in November. We'll see her again next year, when Ronin's approaching his first birthday. Hard to believe how quickly the time will pass.