Changing sizes

Today marked a big day for little R and me.

I shipped off two boxes full of baby clothes Ronin has outgrown to my sister and dear friend Natalie, both of whom are expecting boys in the very near future. (Natalie, is your little one here yet? Any minute, any minute!)

And I slipped into my first pair of pre-pregnancy jeans, to my utter shock and amazement. 

Well, 'slipped' is a bit of an exaggeration. Let's just say, I was able to put on and comfortably wear a pair of my pre-mama jeans, which I never would have believed even a month ago.

Ronin's getting bigger, and I'm returning to normal size.

It's exciting to watch him grow. I admit I've been floored by the responsibility of having someone be so utterly dependent upon me. Especially with breastfeeding. I thought, for some reason, that the baby would quit drawing his life from me when he was delivered from my body. But no! Why did I think that? Breastfeeding is all about the baby's drawing everything he needs from me. Like an adorable little vampire. 

I am so glad to be breastfeeding. I'd totally encourage anyone to do it. It's so rewarding on so many levels and so good for kids. But MAN it's a commitment, especially when your baby won't take a relief bottle, like Ronin. He wants mama or bust. Pardon the pun. So I've been looking forward to introduction of solid foods for some time. I keep saying, I'm ready for Ronin to sit down and eat a big steak...

But that's not the point of this post. As my mom pointed out to me in the very early days, every pound he gains is a pound I'm losing. And I had so, so, so many pounds to lose. Still have 15 to go, all of which is in belly, boobs, and arms. But my lower half has returned to normal! I can rock my old jeans with huge giant sweaters and pretend to everyone that I'm right back to my old self. It feels so good to be lightening my load. 

It will surely be something to see Ronin hit his next phase - sitting up and eating solid foods. Will I feel some relief, then, since he'll be moving away from my milk and my arms and out into the world on his own? Or will worry transmute and transform, since all sorts of accidents and troubles await out there, beyond the safety of my arms? Ah, parenthood! You are a nonstop state of readiness and alertness and surrender. 

I never knew how relaxed I was before, and sadly, I was not relaxed before.