Bouncy-ball meditation

The circle: the symbol for eternity, for the universe. Also, the shape of a bouncy-ball, the giant Pilates ball, that I spend a lot of time sitting on, bouncing Ronin to sleep.

Ever since I had Ronin, I have been grumbling to myself and others that I don't have time to do the things I need to do for basic self-care: yoga, exercise, meditation. I've been really missing going to the meditation temple lately and I know it would help me to be a better mother if I were going and practicing with the good people there.

The other day I was bouncing Ronin to sleep, looking in his eyes, willing them to close. Getting frustrated with him as he fussed and tossed about, finding myself frowning and muttering "Sleep, Ronin, SLEEP!" 

And I realized that I wasn't providing a good sleep environment like that.  I was making a lovely moment crappy for me and for him. If I missed meditation, I should meditate right there, on the ball. Better for both of us.

So I did. I breathed in and out, in and out, and stopped worrying about if he did what I wanted him to or not. He fell asleep so quickly. I could feel his little body relax right into my arms.  We both got so much more out of it that way.

Now I can't complain that I don't have time to meditate. I do, every moment I'm here. But especially in the quiet time as Ronin slips into sleep. He and I will be much better off if I can remember to let go like this over and over again, all along the way.